In between

When I first set out to create this blog, I wanted it to be spontaneous.  An urge--something that made me take to the computer because I had such a strong feeling I just had to share it with the world.  Today, I am writing again--at the urging of my sister.  Who reminded me that I had not written in a very long time.  Nearly a year, to be exact.

So, this really is an urging.

The whys and wherefores don't really matter about why we do or do not do something.  It is the doing that makes the difference.  And, right now, my doing is dog-tired.

I watched EAT.  PRAY. LOVE. a week or so ago.  A delicious film overflowing with wonderful travel sequences from around the world.  Most know the basics of the film.  Women in search of herself.  While in Italy, Julia Roberts aka Elizabeth Gilbert is conversing with her new friends. A robust discourse ensues over words which they think represent cities and then words which represent themselves.  Our women in search of herself has no word.

That is me.  A woman in search of a word.  I am considering that as a title for a new blog.

My word at present is really two words.  In between.

Business is slow and I am grateful, I think.  Since I was 15 I have worked--and I mean worked.  At a feverish pitch like the world was coming to an end.  Focused, driven....now I am in between.

It is a strange and foreign place.  And, since arriving here, I am settling in.  Albeit slowly.  The natives seem to be a little less restless.

Unwinding has taken awhile and I have never been good at being idle.

But, I am hopeful and enthusiastic that this in between place will yield an excellent word.

For now, in between suits me just fine.

Joy

Usually, I have been at my computer fast at work.  As the owner of a small business, work consumes me.  Today, I decided to write for me, first.

Attended a Unity lecture last night.  Don Miguel Ruiz.  Author of "The Four Agreements" and now "The Fifth Agreement."  I had never seen him in person and he had his sons and a woman who studied with him and all of them spoke at some point during the lecture, which was of course fascinating and eye opening.

But, what urged me to write this a.m. was the concept of Joy.  The apprentice who spoke last about her studies with Don Miguel was simply consumed with joy.  She was giddy on the stage and I could not help but notice how people in the audience started to move about gathering coats to leave because the end was near.  Rather than relish and share in a moment of pure joy.

When I left, I wondered if this outward expression--pure, raw emotion--her Joy had made them nervous.  As adults, we don't often show our joy in the way that this woman had.  I went to sleep wondering why we don't do that.  Why do we save or stuff our joy?   It is far easier for us to express sadness, anger--our negative emotions.

I awoke to the Daily Word.  Yep...you guessed it.  JOY.  The daily word was all about joy.  We needn't wait for joy.  It does not depend on achieving certain goals.  You don't have to graduate from college to feel joy.  It is a state of mind and accessible to us at all times.

So, today, I hope you feel joy.  But, more importantly, I hope you are able to express it.

I know I am going to try my best to do the same.

The right spot

I joked with my sister that I was going to start a new biz--angels r us. Today marked the second time in 2 days that I happened to be in the right place at the right time to help a fellow human being.

But getting involved when a stranger needs help in this day and age can give one reason to pause. Sad, but true. That happened to me today. I actually hesitated when asked to help even though I ultimately opted to jump in, avoiding my uneasy feelings.

I was heading out to get a cheeseburger--that was the first urging for the day. While driving out of my neighborhood a young woman ran out to the street and flagged me down. She was extremely distraught and asked where the nearest police station was. Ends up it was a domestic dispute and she was trying to get away from her boyfriend. I couldn't even recall where the police station was, but recalled a nearby fire station. So, I decided I would take her there.

In my nervousness I actually said to the poor girl--"you won't kill me, will you?" Oh, did I really say that out loud?

But, for a fleeting moment, I hesitated. Should I let a stranger in my car? But the good news is that I did.

What was I to do? Leave the poor girl standing there with her portable phone in hand, crying. I could not do that.

So, I managed to get her to the fire station where I tracked down a police officer. We were able to have her looked at by EMS and make her domestic dispute report all at the same time.

It broke my heart to leave her. But, as I assured her she was now safe and in good hands.

It's a bit sad isn't it that we have to worry about whether to lend a hand to a fellow neighbor. Even the EMS nurse said thanks for doing that--you never know today.

Guess a higher authority was looking out for all of us today. And, I was grateful to be exactly on that street in exactly that moment.

It feels good to help another guy out. If and when I ever need it--I hope a trusting soul will be driving my way.

Personal Contracts

For starters, no, I am not a lawyer, nor do I have a personal relationship with one. So, this is not a ploy to keep lawyers in business, although it might be a way to help unemployed members of Congress.

I have been thinking a lot about expectations. Expectations are feelings that we all share. Everyone has expectations about some area of their life. Whether they relate to jobs, relationships, heart's desires, etc.

And our expectations can lead to a world of trouble. I expect a person to act in one way--their own DNA guides them to act in another. And, if those expectations are never discussed or expressed, we tend to sit and stew and let things get to a breaking point.

In my family, we did not talk a lot about our feelings--although I know we all have them. We sort of stuffed our thoughts until they nagged at us enough that we might pick at each other. But, I can tell you that I am more sensitive than I should be--although a well-guarded secret. Guess the cat's out of the bag, now. The point is, my expectations have always been too high, resulting in a lot of heart ache.

So, to the point. What if we all had personal contracts--a code of conduct for interacting with one another. It would help clarify what we expect from each other and whether we could fulfill our obligation to this person. For instance, I might put in my contract I'd like to talk on the telephone twice a month rather than email. After all, what's a friend for if we never actually speak. May as well send off for a pen pal from Russia.

I am being a bit ridiculous to make a point. The certainties of life besides death and taxes are that we simply do not often know what makes another human being tick. But, we spend a lot of time judging or thinking we know, because we expect them to act in accordance with our own thoughts and desires. I may have a romantic view of the world where the other guy has a more pragmatic view. Doesn't make either of us right or wrong--just different. But, does make for a very different set of expectations. Hence the personal contract. Would make things so much more black and white.

None of us are the same. We look at life through our own set of expectations and react in accordance.

Wouldn't it be so much easier if we were clear about what we expected?

Employers do that all the time. Companies provide a job description and expect the employee to fulfill that obligation. Expectations are clearly spelled out.

Wonder why it is so hard to do that with our personal lives.

I expect that as hard as I try to not have any expectations, my expectations will keep getting me in trouble.

Yep--I expect so.

The Kindness of Strangers

Don Hutson, my fiance, and owner of the Cowboy Solution--an equine-assisted leadership/training program, was traveling back from a seminar in Midland. Not long into his 5-hour drive back to Houston, where he had 13 visitors scheduled to arrive for a training program, his dodge ram decided to come unglued. Literally. I am not much of a mechanic, but evidently parts of the transmission scattered to the hinterlands along the highway--catching the brush on fire somewhere in between the gnashing, grinding and stopping. Don was hauling 2 horses in a 4-horse trailer and driving along at a pretty brisk clip. Luckily, he was able to stop the truck, and trailer, before it sent all three of them to well who knows where. They were all darn lucky. Don's GPS system had been telling him to take a circuitous route around this stretch of Hwy. 87 in Brady. Which we all learned later, would left him completely isolated and alone. Probably he and the horses would still be standing there covered in dust and sweat. Instead--what Don, Sunny and Star found, was the incredible kindness of strangers. First on the scene was an angel--not the kind draped in wings and a glowing halo, but the kind that evidently everyone in Brady, Texas has also encountered when trouble arises. And, thank goodness, she showed up for Don. This woman not only stopped to offer aid, she stayed with the state trooper, until she nearly ran out of gas herself. Then, she rounded up a couple more angels, who drove 30 minutes to pick up Don's horses and take them back to their ranch to stay. No questions asked. Don's truck and horse trailer were towed to Brady--where the truck still sits--while the horses were sped off to spend as many nights as needed in the country. Don managed to find the only truck--a U-haul in Brady and make it back to attend to Cowboy Campout and the 13 guests. We then high-tailed it back to Brady in a borrowed pick-up from friends to pick up Sunny and Star and get them back to Houston for another week on the road for the Cowboy Solution. It would be easy to curse the luck--we've had a lot of curve balls thrown our way of late. But, in this instance it's mighty hard to ignore the kindness and good deeds of complete strangers. As I sat talking to the woman who took in Dons horses--like we were all long lost friends, I was really in complete awe of this perfect stranger. She may or may not know what her help meant to us. And, it is impossible to do any more than say thank you. Don, and many others, have spent the better part of 4 days dealing with a great deal of adversity. And, we could all be put out and downright irritated. Instead, we're all grateful and indebted to the kindness of 3 complete strangers. And, as I have been on so many occasions, reminded that we can choose to the find the good or the bad in any situation. And, today, we choose good.

Doing things badly

I have been in a bit of a career slump. Chock it up to the dog days of summer, perhaps. Or too many weeks in the wilderness of the Yukon territory. But, yesterday, I got some advice from two rocking women at Schipul.

Things worth doing, are worth doing badly.

Are you scratching your head? Too much sun for Debra? Not really. But, I did have the same reaction when I heard it, as did the woman, who passed this along from a friend, who had urged her to do this sometime ago.

For type A overachievers, who think that everything must be perfect before it is released to the world, this was a great piece of advice.

And advice that I have given others in my own Brainfood seminars.

Take a step. Do something. Create. The old law of motion will take hold. Action begets action. It is when we are not moving that we feel like we have failed. Movement will inevitably lead to a a solution.

We tend to wait on starting a project, launching a product or putting ourselves out there for fear we'll look ridiculous. That the infamous "they" will poke fun. Who cares. Who are "they" anyway?

Be bold (my sister told me that.) To borrow a very overused phrase, life is a journey. That does in fact imply movement.

If we don't take a step, no matter which direction, that journey is likely to be extremely short.

The existence of God

I have not written in ages, but when one witnesses the existence of God it's time to pick up the pen.

Now, mind you, I have always believed in God. But, like many people struggling with life at the moment I do question, like we all do, whether he or she is really listening.

I am here to report that he or she at least listened to my grandmother this morning.

My mamaw is 94. She is in the hospital for about the 4th time this year. Her last fall resulted in a hematoma. Yesterday morning she broke her hip. The other one. She has a pin from a fall over a year ago in the other hip. So, you can see a pattern here.

When I arrived at 9:30 a.m. she was in agony. Not making much sense but crying out in pain and clearly not happy.

Then she started talking to God. Now, let me be clear. She is a religious women--devout and if someone could get God's attention she is the first to spring to mind.

She began to quietly call out his name. Repeatedly saying My God, My God. I heard a few other things and something about little children. With her arms outreached straight up into the air she clasped her hands. I told my dad I thought the "big guy was here."

Evidently he was. It wasn't 5 minutes after her conversation began that my grandmother closed her eyes peacefully and began to sleep. It was amazing. And to further prove his point, came a knock at the door. The hospital Chaplin and volunteer came to pray with my father.

Man, talk about the power of prayer.

It was really an amazing site to behold and I for one have no doubt that my mamaw found comfort in God, an angel, Jesus or all of them. And, in turn, my father and I were comforted as well to watch her sleep peacefully.

It is hard to watch a loved one in pain. As a family we have struggled with my grandmother's physical and mental demise. And, it is at those times that the questions about faith and love surface very strongly.

While we may continue to agonize the decline of the physical Ida Ford--I am glad to know that she is being comforted along the way.