Personal Contracts

For starters, no, I am not a lawyer, nor do I have a personal relationship with one. So, this is not a ploy to keep lawyers in business, although it might be a way to help unemployed members of Congress.

I have been thinking a lot about expectations. Expectations are feelings that we all share. Everyone has expectations about some area of their life. Whether they relate to jobs, relationships, heart's desires, etc.

And our expectations can lead to a world of trouble. I expect a person to act in one way--their own DNA guides them to act in another. And, if those expectations are never discussed or expressed, we tend to sit and stew and let things get to a breaking point.

In my family, we did not talk a lot about our feelings--although I know we all have them. We sort of stuffed our thoughts until they nagged at us enough that we might pick at each other. But, I can tell you that I am more sensitive than I should be--although a well-guarded secret. Guess the cat's out of the bag, now. The point is, my expectations have always been too high, resulting in a lot of heart ache.

So, to the point. What if we all had personal contracts--a code of conduct for interacting with one another. It would help clarify what we expect from each other and whether we could fulfill our obligation to this person. For instance, I might put in my contract I'd like to talk on the telephone twice a month rather than email. After all, what's a friend for if we never actually speak. May as well send off for a pen pal from Russia.

I am being a bit ridiculous to make a point. The certainties of life besides death and taxes are that we simply do not often know what makes another human being tick. But, we spend a lot of time judging or thinking we know, because we expect them to act in accordance with our own thoughts and desires. I may have a romantic view of the world where the other guy has a more pragmatic view. Doesn't make either of us right or wrong--just different. But, does make for a very different set of expectations. Hence the personal contract. Would make things so much more black and white.

None of us are the same. We look at life through our own set of expectations and react in accordance.

Wouldn't it be so much easier if we were clear about what we expected?

Employers do that all the time. Companies provide a job description and expect the employee to fulfill that obligation. Expectations are clearly spelled out.

Wonder why it is so hard to do that with our personal lives.

I expect that as hard as I try to not have any expectations, my expectations will keep getting me in trouble.

Yep--I expect so.

The Kindness of Strangers

Don Hutson, my fiance, and owner of the Cowboy Solution--an equine-assisted leadership/training program, was traveling back from a seminar in Midland. Not long into his 5-hour drive back to Houston, where he had 13 visitors scheduled to arrive for a training program, his dodge ram decided to come unglued. Literally. I am not much of a mechanic, but evidently parts of the transmission scattered to the hinterlands along the highway--catching the brush on fire somewhere in between the gnashing, grinding and stopping. Don was hauling 2 horses in a 4-horse trailer and driving along at a pretty brisk clip. Luckily, he was able to stop the truck, and trailer, before it sent all three of them to well who knows where. They were all darn lucky. Don's GPS system had been telling him to take a circuitous route around this stretch of Hwy. 87 in Brady. Which we all learned later, would left him completely isolated and alone. Probably he and the horses would still be standing there covered in dust and sweat. Instead--what Don, Sunny and Star found, was the incredible kindness of strangers. First on the scene was an angel--not the kind draped in wings and a glowing halo, but the kind that evidently everyone in Brady, Texas has also encountered when trouble arises. And, thank goodness, she showed up for Don. This woman not only stopped to offer aid, she stayed with the state trooper, until she nearly ran out of gas herself. Then, she rounded up a couple more angels, who drove 30 minutes to pick up Don's horses and take them back to their ranch to stay. No questions asked. Don's truck and horse trailer were towed to Brady--where the truck still sits--while the horses were sped off to spend as many nights as needed in the country. Don managed to find the only truck--a U-haul in Brady and make it back to attend to Cowboy Campout and the 13 guests. We then high-tailed it back to Brady in a borrowed pick-up from friends to pick up Sunny and Star and get them back to Houston for another week on the road for the Cowboy Solution. It would be easy to curse the luck--we've had a lot of curve balls thrown our way of late. But, in this instance it's mighty hard to ignore the kindness and good deeds of complete strangers. As I sat talking to the woman who took in Dons horses--like we were all long lost friends, I was really in complete awe of this perfect stranger. She may or may not know what her help meant to us. And, it is impossible to do any more than say thank you. Don, and many others, have spent the better part of 4 days dealing with a great deal of adversity. And, we could all be put out and downright irritated. Instead, we're all grateful and indebted to the kindness of 3 complete strangers. And, as I have been on so many occasions, reminded that we can choose to the find the good or the bad in any situation. And, today, we choose good.

Doing things badly

I have been in a bit of a career slump. Chock it up to the dog days of summer, perhaps. Or too many weeks in the wilderness of the Yukon territory. But, yesterday, I got some advice from two rocking women at Schipul.

Things worth doing, are worth doing badly.

Are you scratching your head? Too much sun for Debra? Not really. But, I did have the same reaction when I heard it, as did the woman, who passed this along from a friend, who had urged her to do this sometime ago.

For type A overachievers, who think that everything must be perfect before it is released to the world, this was a great piece of advice.

And advice that I have given others in my own Brainfood seminars.

Take a step. Do something. Create. The old law of motion will take hold. Action begets action. It is when we are not moving that we feel like we have failed. Movement will inevitably lead to a a solution.

We tend to wait on starting a project, launching a product or putting ourselves out there for fear we'll look ridiculous. That the infamous "they" will poke fun. Who cares. Who are "they" anyway?

Be bold (my sister told me that.) To borrow a very overused phrase, life is a journey. That does in fact imply movement.

If we don't take a step, no matter which direction, that journey is likely to be extremely short.