The right spot

I joked with my sister that I was going to start a new biz--angels r us. Today marked the second time in 2 days that I happened to be in the right place at the right time to help a fellow human being.

But getting involved when a stranger needs help in this day and age can give one reason to pause. Sad, but true. That happened to me today. I actually hesitated when asked to help even though I ultimately opted to jump in, avoiding my uneasy feelings.

I was heading out to get a cheeseburger--that was the first urging for the day. While driving out of my neighborhood a young woman ran out to the street and flagged me down. She was extremely distraught and asked where the nearest police station was. Ends up it was a domestic dispute and she was trying to get away from her boyfriend. I couldn't even recall where the police station was, but recalled a nearby fire station. So, I decided I would take her there.

In my nervousness I actually said to the poor girl--"you won't kill me, will you?" Oh, did I really say that out loud?

But, for a fleeting moment, I hesitated. Should I let a stranger in my car? But the good news is that I did.

What was I to do? Leave the poor girl standing there with her portable phone in hand, crying. I could not do that.

So, I managed to get her to the fire station where I tracked down a police officer. We were able to have her looked at by EMS and make her domestic dispute report all at the same time.

It broke my heart to leave her. But, as I assured her she was now safe and in good hands.

It's a bit sad isn't it that we have to worry about whether to lend a hand to a fellow neighbor. Even the EMS nurse said thanks for doing that--you never know today.

Guess a higher authority was looking out for all of us today. And, I was grateful to be exactly on that street in exactly that moment.

It feels good to help another guy out. If and when I ever need it--I hope a trusting soul will be driving my way.

Personal Contracts

For starters, no, I am not a lawyer, nor do I have a personal relationship with one. So, this is not a ploy to keep lawyers in business, although it might be a way to help unemployed members of Congress.

I have been thinking a lot about expectations. Expectations are feelings that we all share. Everyone has expectations about some area of their life. Whether they relate to jobs, relationships, heart's desires, etc.

And our expectations can lead to a world of trouble. I expect a person to act in one way--their own DNA guides them to act in another. And, if those expectations are never discussed or expressed, we tend to sit and stew and let things get to a breaking point.

In my family, we did not talk a lot about our feelings--although I know we all have them. We sort of stuffed our thoughts until they nagged at us enough that we might pick at each other. But, I can tell you that I am more sensitive than I should be--although a well-guarded secret. Guess the cat's out of the bag, now. The point is, my expectations have always been too high, resulting in a lot of heart ache.

So, to the point. What if we all had personal contracts--a code of conduct for interacting with one another. It would help clarify what we expect from each other and whether we could fulfill our obligation to this person. For instance, I might put in my contract I'd like to talk on the telephone twice a month rather than email. After all, what's a friend for if we never actually speak. May as well send off for a pen pal from Russia.

I am being a bit ridiculous to make a point. The certainties of life besides death and taxes are that we simply do not often know what makes another human being tick. But, we spend a lot of time judging or thinking we know, because we expect them to act in accordance with our own thoughts and desires. I may have a romantic view of the world where the other guy has a more pragmatic view. Doesn't make either of us right or wrong--just different. But, does make for a very different set of expectations. Hence the personal contract. Would make things so much more black and white.

None of us are the same. We look at life through our own set of expectations and react in accordance.

Wouldn't it be so much easier if we were clear about what we expected?

Employers do that all the time. Companies provide a job description and expect the employee to fulfill that obligation. Expectations are clearly spelled out.

Wonder why it is so hard to do that with our personal lives.

I expect that as hard as I try to not have any expectations, my expectations will keep getting me in trouble.

Yep--I expect so.

The Kindness of Strangers

Don Hutson, my fiance, and owner of the Cowboy Solution--an equine-assisted leadership/training program, was traveling back from a seminar in Midland. Not long into his 5-hour drive back to Houston, where he had 13 visitors scheduled to arrive for a training program, his dodge ram decided to come unglued. Literally. I am not much of a mechanic, but evidently parts of the transmission scattered to the hinterlands along the highway--catching the brush on fire somewhere in between the gnashing, grinding and stopping. Don was hauling 2 horses in a 4-horse trailer and driving along at a pretty brisk clip. Luckily, he was able to stop the truck, and trailer, before it sent all three of them to well who knows where. They were all darn lucky. Don's GPS system had been telling him to take a circuitous route around this stretch of Hwy. 87 in Brady. Which we all learned later, would left him completely isolated and alone. Probably he and the horses would still be standing there covered in dust and sweat. Instead--what Don, Sunny and Star found, was the incredible kindness of strangers. First on the scene was an angel--not the kind draped in wings and a glowing halo, but the kind that evidently everyone in Brady, Texas has also encountered when trouble arises. And, thank goodness, she showed up for Don. This woman not only stopped to offer aid, she stayed with the state trooper, until she nearly ran out of gas herself. Then, she rounded up a couple more angels, who drove 30 minutes to pick up Don's horses and take them back to their ranch to stay. No questions asked. Don's truck and horse trailer were towed to Brady--where the truck still sits--while the horses were sped off to spend as many nights as needed in the country. Don managed to find the only truck--a U-haul in Brady and make it back to attend to Cowboy Campout and the 13 guests. We then high-tailed it back to Brady in a borrowed pick-up from friends to pick up Sunny and Star and get them back to Houston for another week on the road for the Cowboy Solution. It would be easy to curse the luck--we've had a lot of curve balls thrown our way of late. But, in this instance it's mighty hard to ignore the kindness and good deeds of complete strangers. As I sat talking to the woman who took in Dons horses--like we were all long lost friends, I was really in complete awe of this perfect stranger. She may or may not know what her help meant to us. And, it is impossible to do any more than say thank you. Don, and many others, have spent the better part of 4 days dealing with a great deal of adversity. And, we could all be put out and downright irritated. Instead, we're all grateful and indebted to the kindness of 3 complete strangers. And, as I have been on so many occasions, reminded that we can choose to the find the good or the bad in any situation. And, today, we choose good.

Doing things badly

I have been in a bit of a career slump. Chock it up to the dog days of summer, perhaps. Or too many weeks in the wilderness of the Yukon territory. But, yesterday, I got some advice from two rocking women at Schipul.

Things worth doing, are worth doing badly.

Are you scratching your head? Too much sun for Debra? Not really. But, I did have the same reaction when I heard it, as did the woman, who passed this along from a friend, who had urged her to do this sometime ago.

For type A overachievers, who think that everything must be perfect before it is released to the world, this was a great piece of advice.

And advice that I have given others in my own Brainfood seminars.

Take a step. Do something. Create. The old law of motion will take hold. Action begets action. It is when we are not moving that we feel like we have failed. Movement will inevitably lead to a a solution.

We tend to wait on starting a project, launching a product or putting ourselves out there for fear we'll look ridiculous. That the infamous "they" will poke fun. Who cares. Who are "they" anyway?

Be bold (my sister told me that.) To borrow a very overused phrase, life is a journey. That does in fact imply movement.

If we don't take a step, no matter which direction, that journey is likely to be extremely short.

The existence of God

I have not written in ages, but when one witnesses the existence of God it's time to pick up the pen.

Now, mind you, I have always believed in God. But, like many people struggling with life at the moment I do question, like we all do, whether he or she is really listening.

I am here to report that he or she at least listened to my grandmother this morning.

My mamaw is 94. She is in the hospital for about the 4th time this year. Her last fall resulted in a hematoma. Yesterday morning she broke her hip. The other one. She has a pin from a fall over a year ago in the other hip. So, you can see a pattern here.

When I arrived at 9:30 a.m. she was in agony. Not making much sense but crying out in pain and clearly not happy.

Then she started talking to God. Now, let me be clear. She is a religious women--devout and if someone could get God's attention she is the first to spring to mind.

She began to quietly call out his name. Repeatedly saying My God, My God. I heard a few other things and something about little children. With her arms outreached straight up into the air she clasped her hands. I told my dad I thought the "big guy was here."

Evidently he was. It wasn't 5 minutes after her conversation began that my grandmother closed her eyes peacefully and began to sleep. It was amazing. And to further prove his point, came a knock at the door. The hospital Chaplin and volunteer came to pray with my father.

Man, talk about the power of prayer.

It was really an amazing site to behold and I for one have no doubt that my mamaw found comfort in God, an angel, Jesus or all of them. And, in turn, my father and I were comforted as well to watch her sleep peacefully.

It is hard to watch a loved one in pain. As a family we have struggled with my grandmother's physical and mental demise. And, it is at those times that the questions about faith and love surface very strongly.

While we may continue to agonize the decline of the physical Ida Ford--I am glad to know that she is being comforted along the way.

I have become my father

The ides of March are upon us. And, I have not tended to this blog since the new year. Already failed at my resolution. Perhaps it is because my mind these days is in turmoil, like the world about us. I have never listened to so much talk radio in my life and realize I have in fact become my father. He thinks it is funny. I had not planned on becoming a 74-year old white man before I managed to turn into a 50 year-old female. Since I cannot decide what to do with this blog--today I am just checking in. So much to say without offending the sensitivities of someone else. What a crazy, upside down world in which we all live. Is the universe just working out a few kinks--maybe embracing a new style of yoga and soon the planet will unfurl itself from its pretzel-state smoothing out in a year or so. There is no doubt that we have all needed to save more, be kinder to one another and think about what is truly important in life. But, we have swung so far--where is the balance. Are all corporations really greedy bastards? Have we forgotten the numbers of wealthy people in our communities who help support the arts, the homeless and a horde of other nameless philanthropic organizations? I agree with Glenn Beck--charity is a personal thing. The government should not force that on anyone. This democratic nation of ours seems to be fading into the sunset. And me and my father are starting to look a lot alike.

Happy Now

I just spent the last 20 minutes listening to a radio show online about branding. As a marketing professional who has spent her life thinking about what that means I was intrigued by what Tom Asacker www.acleareye.com had to say. He is rather a brilliant man and anyone with an interest in consumer marketing, branding, etc. should take heed. I strongly recommend subscribing to his newsletter which is always thought provoking. Sometimes, it just makes me shake my head because what he says seems so simple. Simple, but rarely put into action. Today he said something that no doubt will be the prevailing topic for water coolers around the globe. Americans are taking stock of what he calls "Happy Now" versus "Happy Life." The crisis swirling around us has finally forced the generation of me, me, me, to ask: will this purchase, service, product X make me happy now or will it improve my life. Can it be that we will finally put the brakes on unnecessary spending and think about what matters in the end? Back to basics, right? More on that in a moment. Tom also talks a lot about the need for integrity, urging business owners to understand what their customers are feeling and not just try and sell them something. Consumers are tuning out advertising right and left because they don't have faith in the messenger. Where does this leave the legions of consumer based marketing departments? If they have truly been brand focused, in a very good position. Because brand-driven organizations talk regularly with their customers and know how they are feeling. They respond to those needs in a way that shows a customer that they are important. That seems pretty simple doesn't it? But, honestly how many businesses do you know that function this way? I know many a service provider that I'd like to toss right out the window because they don't listen, don't care and don't treat me like a valued customer. Perhaps if there had been a bit more integrity along the way, our country would not find itself in this current pickle. Consider what the impact that back to basics will mean for our nation. Sounds a little like a commandment from way back--treat each other how we would like to be treated. Back to basics is no doubt just warming up. I suspect it's a term we'll hear a lot about in the days ahead. And, honestly, not a moment too soon. Let's hope that integrity, empathy and trust become the norm. Then happy now and happy life will converge.

Namaste

Greetings in this new year. I do not know Sanskrit nor do I practice any of the eastern religions where Namaste is used in conversation. I do however, take yoga, where the word is generally used as at the end of class with one's hands folded over the heart. I looked it up today after my practice and have opted to start my 2009 blog with Namaste because I think it is appropriate. While there are several meanings for the word--it is used both as hello and goodbye--much like aloha in Hawaii. But, the meaning that I take to heart is this one: the light in me honors the light in you. Or, I bow to the divinity in you. Here is why I believe this is more important today than ever. If peace is to replace war in the next decade then people everywhere must accept the notion that it is incumbent upon each of us to shine a little brighter. Whatever your personal feelings are about God, it does make sense that when we project light and positive energy rather than negative, the planet and its inhabitants stand to gain. My yoga teacher today said he was having a conversation with an Iranian doctor and the question of God arose. Kind of like the proverbial chicken and egg. Never the less, what struck me about their conversation was that the discussion centered on the notion that God may need our help. Hmmm--could it be that rather than looking up at the heavens wondering what God can do for us, we might ask what can we do to help. Eliminate the ego. That's a tough one for some of us and I'll raise my hand, first. Rather than concentrating on how the outcomes of our labor benefits us as individuals, simply enjoy the doing. When we become less self-centered, society stands to gain. Seems simple enough. If I can succeed in bending myself into a pretzel, surely I can work on being less ego-centric. Today, I start with Namaste. Pass it on.